2004-05-21 at 1:08 a.m.
so i stumbled across this site again while i was cleaning some things out of my computer. i looked up and everyone else had recently updated so i thought "what the hell-- even if i don't really have anything to talk about"
i've been out of school since the 3rd week of April and i am really bored now. i've been looking for a job with no luck so far. i did however receive my tuition estimate for next year and it made me want to cry. why couldn't i just be a sterotypical statistic like a good little girl? i'm alomost 18 years old, i should have a least one kid by now and i should be working at a burger joint or a strip club while counting down the days to my next birthday so i could run out to the public aid office. sure my family acts all happy that i'm in this great school and supposedly making something of myself but i know they wouldn't mind life the other way so much either, it'd be alot cheaper.
instead i keep going for scholarships. as a matter of fact i was at northside last week, wait no the week b4, it was the day b4 the cubbie walk, asking my old bosses for recomendations. i love that school when i don't have to see any students. i didn't have to run out feeling sick this time because i didn't see anyone that made me want to puke and/or die.
who am i trying to kid? i keep having these dreams lately and i can't get rid of him (i assume that the 2 people that read this know who i'm talking about). i was doing so well, i went like 2 months without even kind of thinking of him but when i'm alone and disengaged like i have been lately i can't get him out of my mind. i realize that i really need to get out and meet someone. he was the one responsible for getting my mind off of kevin, now i need someone to get my mind off of him.
i need to party a little more this summer. when i was down there visiting u heidy i had a blast at that frat party. it wasn't the crowd or the music or even all the free booze, it was having fun being with a few great people that i knew cared about me and yeah maybe all the free booze.
~~~
anyhoo onto other aspects of my life, this is like the neverending entry- be careful what u ask for Money.
things with my parents, both of them, just keep getting worse. i haven't spoke to my dad in about 6 weeks. my mom being pregnant just put more tension into our already rocky relationship. like everything having to do with me she thinks she can just throw money and things at me to make me feel beter, that never works. the funny thing is that i'm mad at my dad for not giving me money and i'm upset with my mom for wanting it to solve everything.
i'm really trying to think of ways to make this birthday special to take my mind off of how crappy 2004 has been for me so far. i know that i want to see a cubs game for my b-day but they're in milwaukee and st. louis that week. wisconsin is closer but the st. louis tix are cheaper and that game is on my actual b-day. hmmmm...
then again i may embrace my inner child and throw a build-a-bear party, or kick it old school--- i'm talking chuck e. cheese yall. lol, that would be hilarious though. i'm getting really tired now (if u couldn't tell by the chucky joke) which is weird since i don't do anything all day. luv ya.
*~~~Lilac~~~*